02 February 2009

2nd February: Thoughts on Life

Can our dreams or hopes of what we think we have wanted hinder the very purpose of you setting out for what it was you went looking for? As doing something out of love, started to turn into a chore because of someone else’s idea of how it should be done. Helping someone felt like you were needed, until they started to use you. Listening to what someone else had to say was inspiring, until what you thought for yourself was never right. Seeing beauty in everything around you could make days pass in seconds, they laughed at your simpleness. Because maybe they did not have their own happy moment to escape to, they mocked the one that is dear to your heart....

In the end, it does not matter, what they say. Because if you can find doing something, or listening to something, seeing beauty in something to find a peace; don’t let anyone tell you what you have is empty. For it must be their hearts, and lives that are hollow.

They might always have smiles on their lips; seem not to let anything get to them, as to seem in control. I think the truth is these people are scared. Scared of what they do not know, scared of what they do... Scared of what someone else might think if they were to show all that they felt... And all of this gets so far out of hand, that one might really forget where they stand; that the name they were given at birth was for a soul that has its own mind, heart, and life to worry about.
No one else can be blamed for what happened under your name. It was your choice all along. Somewhere along the way you forget that. Somewhere along the way I forgot that... Yes, I am one of those sad sorry souls that worried so much about the things that mean nothing. The very thing I went out to find, to save; I killed it. I lost it. I never considered that it might be taken from me forever. Time, I never factored into the bigger picture.

All there is left for me to do is pray that there is time now to turn from my blindness of the real things. Tell my family that I love them every day. Do things that I might not feel like doing at the time, but I know I will not have to regret never getting there.

I am sorry I have been one of those people I mentioned above... I will not stop looking for beauty again!

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