07 July 2011

Knickers = Piranhas

I would like to address a topic which may be taboo, not to be discussed outside of ones own home. However here goes.

I've come to a great discovery that knickers, after coming in contact with the floor, become piranhas. NOTHING IS SAFE! Within seconds of their decent they will claim any small item within their reach. Clustering to a pair of shoes, tripping up your feet, eating socks for breakfast. It is as though they are the only item that ever falls out of the laundry basket, then they quickly hide in a dark corner waiting to attack the next poor soul to walk past. In our family we have a term for dodging these spoiled undergarments, "Tip-toe through the Tulips". Its like our code warning of an unseen (or sometimes seen) landmine.

Unfortunately knickers have had quite a run over the years. Causing unwanted attention.

A classic story told in our family is the day a 'piranha' attempted to eat Collin. Growing up my siblings and I were home schooled, we had a room in the house dedicated as our schoolroom. (In said room we kept the computer.) The wall along which the computer was set up had a half meter gap below the ceiling height to allow light to reach into the next room.
Fed up, and fooling around when folding the washing in the other room we had decided to see if we could 'shoot' a pair of knickers over the wall. This fun lasted a little while, then the fooling around would have lead to other distractions to keep our minds off folding.
That very afternoon Collin, our nervy NERDY computer repair guy had traveled out to fix the Windows 95 that wasn't working. Staring him in the face, 'sunny side up', was a pair of 'piranhas'. It had landed perfectly upon the keyboard... Mam rushed in front of him to stop the attack. The shame!

Another occasion upon which a 'piranha' has done the stealth, public embarrassment attach...
I would have been 13. My Sis had hung the laundry out, and as often is the case a pair of knickers got caught up with the bigger items. They fell on the ground under the cloths line, and it was there they waited for the ambush upon my pride. Later that day, a friend of my Bro's had come around, we moved to the back yard in our games. My puppy was parading around flying my knickers from her mouth like a flag. OH THE SHAME. I could have died!

So tell me, how is it that the simple knicker can be the cause of such embarrassment, when really we all have a pair waiting to lunge from under the bed and attach its self to your ankles...!

Do these things happen to you? Do your knickers turn into dangerous ankle-biting, tulip planted, object eating piranhas?!

Keep safe, you never know whats on the floor waiting to bite.

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