17th February: Two Worlds

Are writers not the best magicians? For not only can they hide a rabbit in a hat, but they know how to hide whole worlds, lands, castles, people; harnessing the power of fear and grief along side those of hope and faith and love.

I have been living in two worlds...

I have gone on an adventure to find a fallen star. I have traveled to far away lands with languages unheard by man kind. I have sat in the great concert halls of Venice. I have visited the four corners of the earth, before falling over the edge. Been a watch maker, a squire, a traveling gypsy.

The people I have seen, shared my meals with, listened to their stories by campfire. Characters I will never forget, though that I've also never meet. I love the direct out come of these worlds, there is an ending. All that has been accomplished, all that has been overcome, is now a lesson you know you learnt. All the little pieces are brought together to form the whole picture which you can now see.

Then there is the second world I find myself in...

Though not quite so full of dangerous adventures, and far away lands. There are all the characters you could ever hope to meet. There are those here I would travel to no end of lands for their safety. Although in reality the most I might ever be able to offer them is the love I carry with me, enough for them all. (For my heart will never be too full, it will only grow to fit everyone in.)

Days here sometimes drag by in a slow trudge of work, and responsibilities; although at times you want only to bury your head in the sand till the storm passes by, I would rather live in this painful, hard, rewarding, unpredictable life than any fairy world that I like to visit in my stories.

16th February: All the Good Things

Making rice pudding at 10pm and enjoying it with lots of cinnamon on top,
Wearing red lipstick while eating rice pudding and listening to Schuberts Piano Sonata in A. (All in the name of music homework of coarse)
This was proceeded by my own tinkling on the black and white keys of my beloved theropist, patients builder, at times frustration releser, but mainly musical instrument with whom I love to waste the time that is never truly wasted.
I read that the other day,
"Time that you enjoyed wasting was not wasted at all"
Sadly it did not mention who wrote it, but with thoughts like that I sure would have liked to read more of them.

For reasons unknown my blogger account has been saving posts I've been trying to publish. Though it seems to be in a good mood tonight. If all is well again, I will be uploading posts from nearly two weeks ago. After writing everyday for two months I couldn't just stop cold turkey, I'd get the shakes around 9:30pm, "I need to write something."

8th February: Country Entertainment

Guess what I went to?







Hot sun beating down upon the earth, the air smelling of dirt, sweat, and sh!t. Sounds like a perfect day for a rodeo. Now we all know at such events there are a sea of cowboys (I -of coarse- am referring to the hats!) and this one came with no exception.
I enjoyed the day with my brother and his girl friend, sitting in the shade of a tarp pulled and pinned much like a tent.
Watching man and horse and bull battle it out in the arena before us.
Some boys for our town were signed up to ride in the days events, which made one feel a little more connected to the goings on; I have never been to a rodeo where I have watched someone I know.
The day brought about my brother saying how one of our 'local riders' is going to give him some coaching so he can enter in the next time the rodeo is here again. (Apparently that is around June-July...) Cant wait!

5th February: Unwelcome guests

My eyes opened, consciousness slowly brought into focus the room around me, as on any given morning. I open the bedroom door, pulling it toward me, I leave my sanctuary for the day.
Two steps of the twenty-five it is to the end of the corridor, my head at this time is still coming to terms with all that must be done during the next 10 hours, something is under my foot; oh, its only a frog.

WHAT!!

Whats he doing here, under my foot, waking me up so sharply and quite rudely.

I know that country girls are meant to be tough; and although I am quite happy and willing to try my hand at any job that might come up and need an extra person, -there are just a few things I have never been able to come to terms with. That is the creepy-crawlies, and reptiles. Goosies are coming up on my arms with the very thought of them.

Meeting Mr. Frog in our corridor got me thinking, how and where do these critters get in. Windows, though they all have screens, we don't have any holes in the floors, and our walls are sealed. One disturbing thought was that maybe he was carried in on one of us. (If this was the case, I pray it wasn't me, and if it was, I'm glad he hopped off before I found him attached.)

Over the years we have had some strange (uninvited) visitors. Bats that have chased us around from room to room. Mother, Me and Brother -yes Brother too- screaming with a flapping bat on our trail.
There have been spiders the size of dinner plates. Mice who had obviously never lived in any churches for they were the noisiest things you ever did hear.
But of all my creepy encounters there is one that takes the cake.

Of all the things my story could include, this time it really is about the kitchen sink. An unsuspecting, in an organising mood, younger me opened one of the two cupboard doors under the sink, without paying much attention reached my hand in to grab the detol. I looked to see how close my hand was to the bottle, and about 2cm from my fingers was the head of a snake. I did not have to think, (though there is no stopping the hundred thoughts that cross your mind at such moments) it was pure natural reaction to fly oneself to the other side of the kitchen, landing on top of the bench normally a task to climb.

My parents -outside- had no idea what all the screaming was about. Now it is a known fact that if there is anything 'iffy' to be found/had/tripped over, I will be the one to do so. "But she is inside, what could possibly be wrong?"

To this day we have no idea how that snake go there. This whole drama caused snake-proof fences to be erected and cemented in all the way around the garden.
We have not seen a snake in the garden since. Its amazing what desperate measures such events will cause you to take!

3rd February: Music Within

I believe that everyone has something inside of them, that portrays their very essence. Their very own music within. Though the idea it self may seem a little far fetched, because the argument can be made that not everyone is musical, I find it the easiest way to describe the 'IT' that I am referring to.

'IT' is who you would be if you weren't scared of what people thought, 'IT' is what you would do if you weren't so full of fear, 'IT' is the you who has faith not doubt ruling your life, 'IT' is you doing and being your purpose.

I am ready to let go of the baggage I have collected, the fear and doubts that have stopped me from letting the world hear the music that is inside of me. I am ready to start living my purpose, to spend my time on the people I love instead of the worries of this world that I will leave behind me one day.

I want my family and friends to never doubt the place they hold in my heart. Not just because I tell them that they have a place, but by putting them on the top of my list. What has life become when you tell yourself (and sometimes even others) that you don't have time for a relationship? What is more important??

Really, you can make more money, you don't just die if you have none. Someone is always going to come along and replace you at your job. At the end of the day nobody really cares what certificates you have won for yourself, only you.
Everything else can be taken away in minutes, and none of it will matter when those you do care for can be taken away just as fast.

Don't come to the end of a perfect career and find yourself alone...

2nd February: Thoughts on Life

Can our dreams or hopes of what we think we have wanted hinder the very purpose of you setting out for what it was you went looking for? As doing something out of love, started to turn into a chore because of someone else’s idea of how it should be done. Helping someone felt like you were needed, until they started to use you. Listening to what someone else had to say was inspiring, until what you thought for yourself was never right. Seeing beauty in everything around you could make days pass in seconds, they laughed at your simpleness. Because maybe they did not have their own happy moment to escape to, they mocked the one that is dear to your heart....

In the end, it does not matter, what they say. Because if you can find doing something, or listening to something, seeing beauty in something to find a peace; don’t let anyone tell you what you have is empty. For it must be their hearts, and lives that are hollow.

They might always have smiles on their lips; seem not to let anything get to them, as to seem in control. I think the truth is these people are scared. Scared of what they do not know, scared of what they do... Scared of what someone else might think if they were to show all that they felt... And all of this gets so far out of hand, that one might really forget where they stand; that the name they were given at birth was for a soul that has its own mind, heart, and life to worry about.
No one else can be blamed for what happened under your name. It was your choice all along. Somewhere along the way you forget that. Somewhere along the way I forgot that... Yes, I am one of those sad sorry souls that worried so much about the things that mean nothing. The very thing I went out to find, to save; I killed it. I lost it. I never considered that it might be taken from me forever. Time, I never factored into the bigger picture.

All there is left for me to do is pray that there is time now to turn from my blindness of the real things. Tell my family that I love them every day. Do things that I might not feel like doing at the time, but I know I will not have to regret never getting there.

I am sorry I have been one of those people I mentioned above... I will not stop looking for beauty again!

31st January: Swimming in the Sun

An afternoon of splashing, dunking, screaming, diving, swimming, floating, bombing and general merry making in the pool.
Spending too much time in the sun, skin burnt, and hair bleached.
Isn't this what summer is all about?!




There is no relaxing, for unsuspecting victims at any time might be rolled back into the water. Thought you might have a lay on big daddy, (the floating bed), think again for at any moment you can -and will- be tipped.
And your worried about swimming in the sea?

30th January: An Equal Music

I have finally finished book one for 2009. Reaching 50 could be a bigger challenge for myself then I first anticipated it might.
I absolutely love reading, if only time permitted me more chance to turn a few pages. When did the days become so short, as kids time moved so slowly. What happened?!

The book I have reached the back cover of is 'An Equal Music' by Vikram Seth. As the title might suggest it is about music; following the life of a violinist in a string quartet. His life as a musician, his love of music, and finding lost love.
It truly has caught what music can mean; the heart of one man.

"A chance sighting on a bus; a letter which should never have been read; a pianist with a secret that touches the heart of her music... An Equal Music is a book about love, about the love of a woman lost and found and lost again; it is a book about music and how the love of music can run like a passionate fugue through a life."
(copied from the back cover)



A wonderful book whether you are a musician or a romantic.

29th January: LP love

Have you ever wondered if you were born in the wrong time? In some ways it might be more obvious than in others. But when it comes to my taste in music it is definitely so that I love the old.

Jazz doesn't sound right on Cd. Now maybe that sounds foolish coming from someone who does not own a record player (yet), but most of the best jazz recordings I have listened-to/bought are copied off LP anyways.
It was through a growing interest of getting into jazz on piano that I had the wonderful desire to get my own record player.
-I've decided to take these coming music exams, and then start trying jazz. (Yet my teacher says that some classical players find it hard to get that 'jazz' feel. You either have it or you don't; boy I hope I have it!)-

Back to records. I've started my own collection, sadly I have not found any jazz yet, but I'm sure I will find it.
I was so thrilled to pick up an ELO (Electric light orchestra) LP today. They are wonderful. This made the desire to get a player that much stronger.



My other records so far are 'Love Story', this song is in a locket-music box that belongs to my Mother. When I was little I loved to hold and listen to this locket, it was a special treasure, my Mam's special treasure. It was a song I insisted on learning to play for myself on piano, (I have haunted the house with that tune for the past ten years, and still now I'll play it as a warm up for my fingers!)



And lastly I've got a copy of Tchaikovsky's Swan Lake. He is one of my favourite composers.

So the hunt is on, for a player and jazz LP's. Let the game begin!

28th January: Up a Ladder

I have acquired a new kind of balance being up a ladder for so many weeks in a row. In the beginning the ladder would have to be perfectly level, with no wobble to it or I would stiffen up with every move. Now it doesn't seem to bother my legs so much. The breeze no longer feels like it is trying to blow me over, and I've even caught myself jumping off from the third step. I feel like a cat lady.

Boy is that building a long way around!
With it being so hot during the day, we have become a bit like owls.(I'm not sure if owls is really what I mean, its the only word that will come right now though)
Up before the sparrow, painting till it warms up- that is around 12ish.
Afternoon breaks, well, catching up with all those other jobs.
Then back in the evenings to finish what had been started.

One thing I do think feels quite unreal/strange is climbing to the top of a ladder that is in the middle of nowhere. And not holding on to anything when you get to the top. Its almost as though your hovering above the ground, like you can feel the world spinning. Give it a go.

27th January: Power down

This evening we had a black-out in our small town.
(Such events happen at some odd times here.)

As inconvenient as it first might be, it was nice that it slowed my evening activities down. With no lights to see well enough to read -my eyes strain enough as it is- and only the twilight dusky shadows in the house; I used this time to make pancakes for dinner. Nice thick pancakes with maple syrup, the best kind of pancakes!
(There are advantages to having gas stoves, which only take a match to light)

You don't realise how much rushing about you do, and how much we rely on electricity, until it is turned off, and all there is for you to do is pour a glass of milk, sit on the back deck (with dogs and cats drooling) while eating mapled pancakes!

Give it a go, no telly, no computering, just sitting... Just breathing.

26th January: Raising the Flag

Along with my fellow Australians,
This day I stopped to think about my Country.
I took a moment to think of what it means to me to be Australian.
I stood under our flag of the southern cross,
I am proud to call Australia home, mine.

As well as hanging our Australian flag at the front of our home. We gathered the family around, (Father, Mother, Brother, Sister, Grandpa, Grandma), and attached a new flag on the old flag pole at the 'shop to be.' I felt very Australian in that moment. As this particular flag pole has not had a flag fly from it in over 20 years. Yet today, newly painted (Thank you Grandpa), it holds our flag.




Seeing it flap and crack in the wind made me think of my favourite poem by Banjo Paterson:

"Our Own Flag"

They mustered us up with a royal din,
In wearisome weeks of drought.
Ere ever the half of the crops were in,
Or the half of the sheds cut out.

'Twas down with saddle and spurs and whip;
The swagman dropped his swag.
And we hurried us off to an outbound ship
To fight for the English flag.

The English flag_ it is ours in sooth
We stand by it wrong or right.
But deep in our hearts is the honest truth
We fought for the sake of a fight.

And the English flag may flutter and wave
Where the World-wide Oceans toss,
But the flag the Australian dies to save
Is the flag of the Southern Cross.

If ever they want us to stand the brunt
Of a hard-fought, grim campaign,
We will carry our own flag up to the front
When we go to the wars again.

25th January: All The Crazy Poeple

My rather random thought of the day:

What is it that makes crazy people crazy?

I do not mean this in any disrespectful way;
though when you get past their 'tick', (which if we be honest nearly all of us has one of those), why do we call them crazy? Because all of the people like that I have met, or (dare I say it) seen in movies, they are not half as crazy as they have been labelled. It is more a matter that they speak what they believe as their truth. Is it that some of these people have lost/never found their ability of tact and politeness?

But the truth is not always polite, and sometimes when we think we are being tactful are we not just being liars? Because in telling truth comes an amount of hurt.

So I ask you, what is normal,
to tell the painful truth,
or to live a life of lies?

24th January: Storm = Hope

As a child I believed that the end of the world would come during a storm. Between a crack of thunder, I imagined hearing Gabriel's trumpet, that rolling sound would no longer be an invisible noise, but rather an army of white horses.
It was because of this I would very seldom sleep during a storm, (maybe too nosy for my own good), but if this was the end of the world I didn't want to sleep through it.
Though I no longer believe storms as the only time the end of the world could come, it would be a fitting setting. Now I find that they bring a certain amount of calm with them.
God sent us a symbol of hope, and He hung it in the sky.

23rd January: Life Sort

Every month or so I have a little panic moment come over me;

Nothing is where it should be,
I have no room to move on my desk,
Countless 'to do lists' threaten my spare time,
Each draw is too full,
New ideas keep flooding in...

I think you get what I am saying. My room, plans, and mind get a little over loaded. That is when that panic comes. It is the panic of needing it sorted NOW!
To be honest I was surprised to have my first little sorting session already for 2009. (I'm sure I was all neat and prepared leaving last year behind.)

One hour in, and I had finished the top draw of the desk. Boy is that sad!
Though it did speed up after that. It always is that top draw that gets you, you know, the easiest one to open and drop those odd 'I'll sort it later' items in.

My favourite thing about this private sort, is it does offer time to sort out those one-liners that you scribbled down so you wouldn't forget to expand upon the thought; Time to go through all those darn lists that rule your life and figure out exactly how many years worth of odd jobs you still have left to get to; Time to find out where you've wondered to.

It is my time to set a time to get these things done. Being this organised is a complex, complicated job.

22nd January: New Shoes!

After a day out with Mother and Sister... I came home with goodies!

I am most happy about being the proud owner of these:




Aren't they just glorious?!

In the store while trying these on, I was doing a little jig for Mother and Sister, when behind the shelving a head came round, followed by a voice saying how great those shoes are... Yes, I was caught by the shop assistant, doing a little dance.
This brought to mind many funny ways we have of getting out of these embarrassing moments.

1) Carry on with your happy dance, with a big smile upon your face
2) Act as though you were just looking at something else
3) Quickly ask a question of the lady,
or
4) Go very red in the face, look down at your feet, and pretend you cant hear Mother and Sister getting a great crack out of the whole scene.

For the record, I think in my embarrassment I was a mix of 1 and 4.

21st January: Running...

Have you ever felt like running?
Not to anything in particular, and not from anything.
Just running,
to feel your legs underneath you
holding you up
and moving you forward.
Running so you can feel your lungs,
and hear your heart.
Having the ground pass under your feet,
and the air push against your skin.
Feeling your whole self,
Feeling alive.

20th January: Epoch Times

Each week after a day in town, my Grandpa will tell me that he has 'it' for me...
For those in the know, (which soon you shall be), the 'it' is my copy of the Epoch Times.

The Epoch Times is a free news paper which is printed once a week,
Despite how I have tried to find this paper I never can.
Hence why my Grandpa will pick me up one with his own.
On the whole I am not a huge news paper reader,
Yet when it comes to this particular paper I go weak at the knees.
To be honest I'm not even sure when it came about that I started reading it,
A year? Two?

Now when approaching the task of reading through said paper,
one must be armed with a pair of scissors, as there is -every time- an article I would like to keep. Whether it be for research purposes, story ideas, or simply a spark of curiosity.

It takes me a good two hours to go from front to back pages,
snipping, reading, pondering...
This week's edition came with no exception.
The articles which made it into my journal this week include:

"Climbing robots put to work"
"Happiness is contagious, study finds"
"Ancient submerged cities - rethinking our ancestry"
"Brainwashing the whole country and turning it into a 'mind prison'"
"Mummy thought to be Queen Seshestet found in Egypt"

19th January: Small Things

It is no secret to those who know me that I am easily excited about things.
This can be anything from reading a great couple of words, to finding a better way of doing a job, what I'm about to eat, in everyday conversations, or even new toys...

Recently I bought myself this awesome little thing:




It has brought me quite a bit of amusement. As you might have guessed I have been putting date stamps on everything!

I write two words, date stamped
Started a new song, date stamped
Draw a picture, date stamped

If I must be honest, I've pretty much made up an excuse to use it every day. (There's nothing wrong with that... Is there?)

18th January: *Frustration*

I had great plans of taking many photos this afternoon,
a walk around our rural town,
visits to the cemeteries,
wondering at what lives those people might have lived,
viewing the land from a top a hill,
walking around the grounds of the churches,
looking through the coloured glass windows,
(for a village with a sign saying 150 residents,
we have three old churches!)
Strangely it is the places closest to you that you visit the least.
Well, I know that is true for me.
Halfway down the road and my camera decided to start flashing-
the red battery picture in the bottom corner.
Isn't that how it happens..
The day you have the time and inclination (together a rare couple)
technology tells you no!

*Frustration*

Either way I took my walk, and a few photos, which you will find below.
And it has given me an idea for a new post I will add soon.
(Hint, Sunday morning the bells are ringing...)

Have a lovely week everyone!